if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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