Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
