the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
