At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
