just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
