how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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