My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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