My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
