Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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