i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
