i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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