Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
