the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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