He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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