My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
