Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
