Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
