Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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