can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
