I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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