why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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