me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
