What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
babies were throwing up all over the place
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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