??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
