walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
