Kiss
Puke
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
