So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
