Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
