Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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