Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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