Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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