Having a random hookup so left but love u
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
