Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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