he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
