i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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