everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
