they need to just BURY HIM!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You made out with two different species that night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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