I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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