And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS