my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!