Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(641): View more from Iowa

i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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(305): View more from Florida

If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

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(305): View more from Florida

what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose

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(818): View more from California

Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.

(217): View more from Illinois

Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.

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