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• (231): View more from Michigan

  my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.

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• (+35): View more from

  I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I just cured my dogs munchies

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."

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• (518): View more from New York

  I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!

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