My room smells like vodka and shame
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
