please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.