i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..