Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
