i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
