What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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