u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
