It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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