Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
