Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
