by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
