so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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