I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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