Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
