i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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