we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
