someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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