so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
