I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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