HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
