oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
