wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You ruined the universe
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