so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
