Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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