I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
