She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
