Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
