Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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