It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
