Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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